Eureka! Kerry found 'one'!

'WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—In what Secretary of State John Kerry described as a significant foreign-policy coup, the U.S. claimed, on Tuesday, that it had successfully located a (hehe) moderate Syrian rebel.Though Kerry did not elaborate on how the U.S. did so, he said that locating the rebel was “the culmination of a months-long effort.”The Secretary of State said that the Syrian had been appropriately vetted and was deemed “moderately rebellious.”